Tuesday, January 1, 2013

change is good.

 i've been making plans. 

for the past couple of months i've been 
thinking about changes that need to be made.
that's what the end of the year is for, right?

all year we live our lives,
sometimes reflecting on the things that are happening,
but mostly we are just trying to get by, survive.

that is, until the end of the year.

the end of the year is a time for thinking. 
thinking about where we've been 
and where we're going.
and it is a time to make lists and plans.

every day we try and make our lives a little better
than they were the day before. 
it can be little things that we need to change --
go to bed earlier, eat more salads, etc --
but sometimes there are big changes that need to happen too.

in 2011, i made big changes:
i quit my job in new york and i moved to mexico.
and ever since then i've been living my life
trying to make the most of it
and trying to enjoy the big changes i've made. 

and i did enjoy those changes. 
i enjoyed the living in a new country with a new job and a new boy. 
i enjoyed that my job wasn't nearly as stressful or as antagonistic;
i enjoyed that i was done with work at 4pm every night. 
i enjoyed eating tacos as often as i wanted. 
i enjoyed pretending to speak spanish. 
i enjoyed the cute little neighborhood i moved into,
with it's awesome trees and bike share system.
i enjoyed being able to explore a new place and culture.
and most of all, i enjoyed my new boy --
he made these big changes totally worth it.
but then in 2012, change was headed my way again;
in the form of another move: to tucson.
we were a little less psyched about this move, 
but we were determined to make the most of it.

it was a brand new start for both of us; 
neither of us knew anyone,
we had never lived in a desert before,
and we lived in a place that doesn't do daylight savings.
it was a strange journey we were headed on,
but we were in it together and that was the best part. 
we made new friends, saw new places, and did new things.

and as we rang in the new year last week,
we couldn't help but reflect on how the past year treated us
and we began to think about the things 
we wanted to do in the upcoming year:
the changes we wanted to make
and the changes that will take us by surprise.

it's pretty simple really:
my goal for 2013 is to
pull my life together.
too bad that's a crazy complicated thing.

anyone who knows me,
knows that i say this phrase a lot,
mainly because i'm in a constant state
of thinking that my life is, in fact, not together.
as we all do.

so this year i'm working on being an adult.
i'm 28; it's time.

i have big plans to 
be healthier, 
to figure out what the point of this blog is,
and then to make it a thing people actually read,
and to work on my resume, 
as a way to figure out 
what i want to do with the rest of my life,

let's start with the easy stuff:
this year i/we want to be healthier --
i know in the past i've made these ridiculous goals
(running a marathon with no motivation to train for it,
running five half-marathons,
or running 18 miles a week,
to name a few.)
and frankly, i don't know what i was thinking.

i'm a lazy person. 
i wish i wasn't, but i am. 
running is something i enjoy, sure,
but the prospect of having to put on a sports bra
can dissuade me from it 9 times out of 10. 
so making a running goal isn't realistic. 
plus, i think i may have asthma;
it's actually a real disaster.
so i'm changing tactics this year. 

being healthier is a vague goal, to be sure, 
but maybe vague is better. 
how am i to know what kind of healthier 
i am going to need in six months,
or even in twelve months?
it's impossible. 

so let's just keep it simple:
eat more leafy greens.
snack better.
do more yoga.
bike more.

 getting a little more complicated:
 i need to work on this blog.
for the past couple of months, 
i've been thinking about ways to make it better
and to get more people reading it. 
but let's be serious, 
who really wants to read about my life?
(except all of my lovely friends and family, i hope.)

but apparently blogs can be big
and can be wide read.
so why not give it shot, right?

but i still have to figure out what the point is.
i mean, i started the blog as a way 
to house all of my ice cream recipes
but it has turned into a
"look at all of the cool things i do" space. 
that's pretty boring, right?

is it a travel blog?
i do write about the places that i've been.
or is a food blog?
i do post recipes.
or is it something else entirely?
should it be?

i hate reflecting,
this is going to be a bummer.
 but hopefully, at the end of it
this blog has direction.
and as a result, so will my life.
a tall order, i know, but i'm hopeful.

 now for the scary one:
working on my resume, 
thereby allowing myself
to figure out what i want to do with my life.

first of all,
why is a resume so daunting?
you do the work every day for months on end, 
why does it feel impossible to write about it?

i loath working on my resume.
i normally enlist the help of mama walker,
 and she gives great advice,
but then i'm required to actually act on it.
(i still have an unread email from her, 
sent in september,
helping me with my resume.
what a disaster.)

so this year, i'm going to be an adult
and actually work on my resume. 
and then i plan on sitting down 
and looking at my job options.
because right now i'm not sure what i want to do with my life.
do i want to teach?
do i want to work in education, but not teach?
do i want to leave the education field altogether?
and if so, what do i do next?
(it's a whole situation.
an incredibly stressful situation.) 

i'm looking forward to 2013 -- 
i think things are going to be good.

change is good.

and i plan on reading another 52 books this year.
but not all at once, at the end of the year.

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